Feeling stuck
I'll be honest with you - this week I've felt stuck and overwhelmed.
In fact, I've felt many things. Luckily, I recognised that I needed to tend to what was going on for me rather than believe it’s ‘just the way it is’.
So what was I feeling?
Overwhelmed. Pressured. Rushed. Unfocused.
And how was I behaving?
I've felt an urgency to do more and more, and as a result have been doing less and less.
When I've looked a bit deeper at this, I was actually feeling a lot of fear.
Fear of judgement and of failure.
And this fear was driving me to avoidance. I was sat in indecision, procrastination and just… staying still. Staying stuck in it.
Once I’d recognised this, I could offer myself a bit more compassion and support, letting that fear breathe. I could understand where it's coming from and rationalise it rather than just sit in it.
When I do this, I can understand whether this fear is based on a real threat, or a perceived threat that's based on an insecurity that I hold.
If it's a real threat, I can then choose my next step from a place of awareness. If it's actually a perceived threat based on discomfort and insecurity, I can explore what self belief this is coming from and choose an alternative.
But how do I do this?
Firstly, I might look at the physical sensations. Yes, there are some things that might feel frightening. Where do I feel this in my body? For me, it’s in my stomach - like butterflies. This helps me to recognise its very real and physical impact on me.
Secondly, I might ask myself how intense this feeling is both emotionally and physically - is it 5/10? 7/10? This will help me to process it, acknowledge it and soothe myself, letting my nervous system know I’m okay.
I then might get curious about the feeling, without judging my responses. What makes my fear worse? When is it triggered? How can I continue to soothe myself if the fear keeps coming up?
When a situation happens and we feel vulnerable, we can automatically go into a response state, often dismissing the emotion or not even recognising that it's there. But it is, and it might even be in the driving seat.
Our behaviours can be so strongly informed by emotions if we’re not consciously aware. An emotion we find challenging to feel is likely going to make us behave in ways we don't want to.
If I didn't recognise this, then my behaviour will continue to be informed by fear. I will then continue to procrastinate. I'd be left in a state of doing the things that are adding to this feeling of pressure, catastrophising about what they mean and how big they are and feeling unbelievably tired. This leads me to disengage from loved ones, feel misunderstood and isolated on top of the initial overwhelm.
Not a particularly helpful solution.
However, by recognising this, I can offer that compassion for myself to recognise exactly what is creating the fear.
I can let that emotion exist, then make space to choose to feel differently.
Perhaps instead I could reframe the situation and recognise opportunities I have to explore instead.
How might that change my behaviour?
Perhaps I'd feel excited, curious, creative, inspired and hopeful. How might that change how I then behave? Probably with much more energy and joy.
This isn't to dismiss the very real ‘stuckness’ or difficult feelings you might be feeling, or very real problems you might be facing.
Trust me, I get it.
And it takes time. There might not be a quick solution.
But this is saying that things won't change unless you can offer some space for yourself to get curious and understand where the pain or difficulty is for you… and take the time to tend to this. Whether that's fear, grief, anger, regret, sadness, worthlessness, loneliness. Hear, listen and value your own experience without judgement.
Every emotion is a signal towards something to tend to - both the positive and difficult feelings. Allowing yourself the time to do that in a safe space can give it the space and freedom to pass and release, making space for different feelings which might lead to different behaviours that you choose.
